We named our party play list daddy issues
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my liver is dry heaving
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
