If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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