You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
