I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
