I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
