in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
