How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
