I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How does one acquire holy water?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
