she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
