there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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