so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
