my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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