college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
