I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
