I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
