you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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