You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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