Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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