the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
