Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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