well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
