I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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