his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
