We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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