apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
