wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
