Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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