We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
