Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
