Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
