My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
