Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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