Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
