Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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