is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
