here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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