They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
