How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
