Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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