woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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