that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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