Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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