she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
