Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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