I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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