i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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