Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
