oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
