K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
