She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
