I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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