Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
