yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
