White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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