im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
