those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love having hate sex.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
