You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
