Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
