She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
