last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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